Careful what you wish for…

Fall of 2019 my husband and I had finished training (fellowship and a PhD) and we were settling into our lives as “adults” in our mid 30s with huge milestones (first jobs, no more diapers with our 3 kids, selling our first town home). I felt stretched thin, and a shell of my old self in this new role as a mom and attending physician. I spent the end of 2019 praying to God and hoping for a little reprieve. My requests were simple:

1. Being more present in my kids’ everyday lives
2. More financial security
3. A break from traveling all over the country to visit extended family

God has such a sense of humor. When the fire season broke out at full strength California I should have known it was a foreboding prediction for our soon to be future. Did He answer all my requests? Absolutely! In one fell swoop….bring on a world wide pandemic- COVID-19

1. Be more present for my kids-> Bam! Day care and schools are closed…now when you aren’t at work as an “essential front line worker”, you will be trapped in your 2 bedroom faculty apartment with your family of 5. But at least your 4 year old son will learn great new skills, like picking your locks, being left unattended while you rock and cry yourself to sleep in a corner of your bedroom.
2. More financial security-> Bam!!!! I’ll give you back ALL the money for full time daycare for 3 kids….but you might need to use all of that on therapy after your nervous breakdown.
3. A break from traveling to visit family-> Bam!!!! Don’t see your east coast relatives for 18 months. Now you will be sneaking across county lines just to get to an open beach and away from riots in your cities.

I learned that if I open my eyes, I can see my prayers are answered, if not always in the way I hope. Maybe I should pause before making sweeping requests while down on my knees in desperation….